I have a strange, quirky relationship with the accordion.
There. I said it.
My contemporary, humorous affair with the oft-maligned instrument began a bunch of years back, when I was editor of Columbia Patch. In August 2012, Howard County public safety officials issued a press release stating that a suspicious, unattended suitcase had been found near the Owen Brown Interfaith Center. A nearby day care center was evacuated and the appropriate first responders were dispatched to handle the situation.
It turns out that, after the bomb squad did its thing, it was determined the suitcase contained an accordion.
But as funny — and as relieving — as that final result was, the most humorous part of the ordeal was the series of press releases issued throughout the day. The initial statement disclosed the discovery of the case and encouraged citizens to avoid the area. A phone number for media members to call for more information was published as well.
A followup statement corrected the previously offered phone number. Subsequent statements updated the results as new info came available and media outlets covered the event ad nauseum. Toward the end of the day, I received a press release stating the suitcase was found to contain a musical instrument. A little while later the final release landed in my email box. Paraphrasing here, all these years later, the statement said something along the lines of, “In case anyone is interested, the musical instrument was an accordion.”
I immediately had some fun with that information, as did most outlets that had been covering the event.
Over the years, I have had fun remembering AccordionGate. These days, it pops up once a year in my Facebook memories. And I’m not alone in my HoCo accordion mocking. My friend Julia Jackson McCready, a prolific Columbia blogger who I met through Columbia Patch, has had her own fun with the abandoned instrument. We usually tag each other annually when the memory pops up.
But here’s what else happens when the memory pops up and gets shared back and forth. The omniscient Facebook God sees those posts and assumes I am an accordion fan and that I want to see all things accordion. For days, I will get videos of performances, ads for musical instrument stores, musical instrument repair and jokes and memes centered around the hinged instrument.
More recently, I discovered a delightful comedian named Bo Johnson. In one of his routines, he discusses the merits of public transportation, namely buses. He has a funny bit about how the vehicle’s exterior advertisements appeal to a completely different audience than the ads inside the bus. Look it up if you need a good laugh.
But in the same routine, he announces he has an idea that would improve the bus experience. He mentions the extra-long buses that have the accordion-like center piece that allows the vehicle to make tighter turns.
I’m paraphrasing here, but he says something along the lines of “Wouldn’t it be great if it made the sound of an accordion on those turns?”
I immediately sent this bit to Julia and it didn’t take her long to respond. She has this innate ability to find a meme, a GIF, a video, a cartoon or a quote to fit every scenario you could ever imagine. Within seconds, she sent me a photo of a guy on a street playing an accordion. Directly behind him is the accordion portion of a bus.
Julia-1, Marge-0.
I’ve experienced many chuckles and snorts at the expense of the accordion being humiliated. I roared when I came across a picture of shelves and shelves of accordions, ostensibly at a thrift shop, with a sign that stated “Limit 2 per family.”
For the sake of this column, I did an internet search for “accordion fun." Google assumed I made a mistake and was instead searching for accordion fans. Just for the record, the choices there are endless, in case you’re interested.
Who knew there was such a thing as the Maryland Accordion Club? The organization is headquartered in Catonsville (which probably means that’s where the founder or current president lives) and strives to share the delight in playing accordion, improve musicianship attract new students and showcase the versatility of the instrument. The group meets the first Saturday of the month from September through June, at Catonsville United Methodist Church.
And to prove my point about Facebook spying, this popped up as I was writing this blog post:
I guess any essay about the accordion would be incomplete without a mention of Lawrence Welk. Welk, an accordionist and band leader, hosted the Lawrence Welk Show on television from 1955-1982. The program was a variety show and featured many well-known, popular acts, including the Lennon Sisters, accordionist Myron Floren and dancers Bobby Burgess and Cissy King. His band's style came to be know as "champagne music" and viewers could often see bubbles in the background.
Should you be so motivated, the world of the accordion is surprisingly large and quite visible on the internet. If you search, choose carefully, knowing that your feeds will be clogged with accordion-related topics for a while.
"Wunnerful, wunnerful!"
