Pssst! Wanna buy a bourbon?

So — she started a sentence with, even though she hates when that happens — the other day, I made a Facebook post about the ridiculousness of all the niche distilleries that think their sourced bourbons are all worth $90 a bottle (or more).

The American Woman Spirit Co. bottle lineup.

I suspect a lot of these “distilleries” are little more than drop shops that source liquor from factory distilleries and slap their private labels on the bottle filled with someone else’s product. I don’t have any proof of that but I just don’t think all of these places are actually producing their own booze. As sort-of proof, I know of one local, rather high-profile distillery that used whiskey from other sources for the first several years it was in business because aged whiskeys don’t just happen overnight. Throw in the need for machinery, barrel storage, tasting, monitoring and tinkering with the batches along the way, to say nothing of the distilling experience and expertise needed, and I just don’t buy it. But I digress.

Within 10 minutes of publishing that post, my feed was filed with advertisements for all things bourbon. I’m not exaggerating. A bourbon- or liquor-related ad popped up almost every other post. I took screen shots as proof!

The ads ran the gamut from niche distilleries and online liquor stores to specialty offerings like bourbon brownies and bourbon salted caramels. I was enticed with the perfect glass from which to sip my chosen beverage and encouraged to buy granite stones for chilling. 

This is just one of four pages of notes resulting from Facebook ads.

I would imagine most of these labels are not available in the corner liquor store. Some of the ads were for Wyoming Whiskeys, Mythology Distillery, Nelson’s Green Brier, American Woman Spirit Co., Traverse City Whiskey Co. and Milam and Greene Whiskey. Trust me when I tell you this list is just a small portion of the flood of offerings.

Some of these companies have marketing hooks to grab a portion of the market. American Woman Spirit Co., for example, puts its product in a bottle in the shape of the female form. Knobel Spirits appears to be owned by Baltimore native Mike Rowe, perhaps best known for hosting “Dirty Jobs.” Knobel Tennessee Whiskey is named for Rowe’s grandfather and while the whiskey is pricey, a portion of online sales benefits the mikeroweWORKS Foundation. The website provides a little bit of the story behind the name of the product but doesn’t really explain who actually distills the product and where that happens, other than using “the finest ingredients from local farmers in Tennessee.”

Mike Rowe with Knobel.

Much of American Woman Spirit’s online story is dedicated to the story of the “unique custom sculpted bottle.” The company “collaborates with an esteemed U.S. distillery” to produce its products, which include two varieties of tequila and a rye whiskey in addition to three bourbon offerings. The basic bourbon is $74.99 and the cask strength is $99.99. The tequila ranges from $80 to $120.

But the bottles are pretty.

The custom sculpted American Woman Spirit Co. bottle.

I’m not going to bore you with similar details for all the bourbons that decided I needed to know about them, but it was fun to check out their websites, read a little of the history and ogle at the prices.

As I stated in my original post, I am far from a whiskey snob and I do not have a refined palate. I enjoy single malt scotches but usually settle for Chivas Regal, my favorite blended scotch. I’m a scotch on the rocks drinker, so watering down hugely expensive labels insults the distiller and takes away from the intended flavor. My consumption of bourbon tends to be in the form of Manhattans so again, I would be doing a disservice to a high-end whiskey by adding vermouth and throwing in — gasp — a cherry or two.

I marvel at the folks who can take a sip of any fine whiskey and then talk about the notes of dark chocolate, cherry, vanilla, nutmeg, brown sugar, toffee, butterscotch and caramel detected as the liquid hits the front, middle and back portions of the tongue. They can identify the percentages of grains used and know that it was finished in a port barrel. And that’s after they identify the 27 elements of the nose.

Me? I know smooth versus rough, and quite simply, whether or not I like it. I’ve spent big money of some niche bourbons that I assumed, based simply on price, would be good sipping bourbons. I was wrong — like lighter fluid wrong — and learned not to buy expensive, boutique booze untested. Many liquor stores, including Midway, offer free in-store tastings from time to time, with an expert on hand to teach the characteristics of each offering. That's a much cheaper way to learn what you like and what you don't.

Honestly, my favorite common bourbon is still Wild Turkey 101. Prices vary from store to store, with some little neighborhood shops charging as much as $27-30. Total Wine and More offers a 750 ml bottle for $21.99 and Wild Turkey Rare Breed, which I do enjoy as a sipper, is $55.99.

So — and there’s another “so” beginning sentence — I guess the point of this post is that my online bourbon bashing had to become your bashing. Share and share alike, right?

But about those bourbon brownies …